Projections

I've been thinking a lot lately about who this little boy is going to turn out to be. I lay awake in bed most mornings contemplating everything from what his nose looks like to what kind of boy he will be in high school. I make lists in my head of all the things I want him to be:

I want him to spend afternoons drawing with his Papa
I want him to beg me to help cook dinner, or to enjoy just sitting and watching
I want him to dig in the dirt and collect bugs - and let them go
I want him to love animals
to love telling jokes
reading books
pretending
I want to catch him sitting quietly, deep in thought
I want music to make him want to dance, and cry
and so, so much more

I can't help but want him to be so many things and yet I know that so much of it is completely beyond my control. I have come around lately to realize that this might be the most exciting part, that we will get to meet this new person soon who is entirely unique and completely their own person. I also am starting to feel how much I will love him regardless of who he ends up being and all I can do is just remain open to all that he has to teach me.